JULIAN CLARY - A FISTFUL OF CLARY
Yee-haw!
You’ve heard of The Man With No Name? Well, here’s The Man With No Shame.
Julian Clary, renowned homosexual and national trinket, is fixing to saddle up and head on out for his 2024 UK tour.
“Yes, it has a Western theme,” the old buckaroo confirms, sipping Bourbon from a pint tankard. “It was only a matter of time before I eased myself into some chaps” he adds, dabbing his temples with a damp flannel.
Julian is sure that the men in the audience will be so eager to join his posse they won’t be able to keep their hands off his Rawhide. The lucky few will play with him on stage in the Hang ‘em Low saloon, where Wild Bill Hickok used to meet his special friend, Raving Clarence la Fruit. But life in the Old West was tough. Not all of Julian’s wild bunch will be around to witness the final shoot-out that will result in Julian giving himself selflessly at high noon to the last man standing. Who knows what else he’ll do for a few dollars more?
“A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do…” drawls Julian cryptically before becoming engrossed in his embroidery.
Wednesday 10 April
The Capitol, Horsham
Thursday 11 April
The Capitol, Horsham
Friday 12 April
Palace Theatre, Southend
Saturday 13 April
Assembly Hall Theatre, Tunbridge Wells
Sunday 14 April
Cambridge Corn Exchange
Wednesday 17 April
Royal & Derngate, Northampton
Friday 19 April
Royal Spa Centre, Leamington Spa
Saturday 20 April
Corn Exchange, Ipswich
Sunday 21 April
Corn Exchange, Kings Lynn
Wednesday 24 April
Theatre Royal, Winchester
Thursday 25 April
The Marlowe, Canterbury
Friday 26 April
The Anvil, Basingstoke
Saturday 27 April
Playhouse, Nottingham
Sunday 28 April
Liverpool Philharmonic
Wednesday 01 May
The Grand, Lancaster
Thursday 02 May
The Grand, Lancaster
Friday 03 May
Tyne Theatre and Opera House
Saturday 04 May
Opera House, Buxton
Sunday 05 May
Everyman Theatre, Chelthenham
Tuesday 07 May
Opera House, Manchester
Wednesday 08 May
City Varieties, Leeds
Thursday 09 May
City Varieties, Leeds
Saturday 11 May
Queens Hall, Edinburgh
Sunday 12 May
Pavilion Theatre, Glasgow
Wednesday 15 May
New Theatre Oxford
Thursday 16 May
Alban Arena, St Albans
Friday 17 May
Wyvern Theatre, Swindon
Saturday 18 May
London Palladium
Sunday 19 May
London Palladium
Wednesday 22 May
Bristol Beacon
Thursday 23 May
Theatre Severn, Shrewsbury
Friday 24 May
Theatre Severn, Shrewsbury
Sunday 26 May
The Alexandra, Birmingham
Tuesday 28 May
Cardiff New theatre
Wednesday 29 May
Playhouse, Weston-Super-Mare
Thursday 30 May
The Hexagon, Reading
Friday 31 May
Hay on Wye Hay Festival
Saturday 01 June
Corn Exchange, Exeter
Sunday 02 June
Hall for Cornwall, Truro
Wednesday 05 June
Theatre Royal, Bury St Edmunds
Thursday 06 June
Chelmsford Theatre
Friday 07 June
Devonshire Park, Eastbourne
Saturday 08 June
G Live
Sunday 09 June
Theatre Royal Norwich
Wednesday 12 June
New Theatre Royal, Portsmouth
Friday 14 June
Brighton Dome
'A Fistful of Clary' - Julian Clary Q&A
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Am I? I do wish my agent would tell me these things.
I love touring, it is a very lovely, creative process. Every night is different. I look forward to seeing how things evolve: a tiny spontaneous idea one-night can become a twenty-minute routine after a few shows. That sort of thing can only happen on stage – no amount of thinking in the comfort of your own home can bring it about.
I also love travelling around with my tour manager Bertha. She has been by my side for twenty-five years. We have a laugh, or lapse into a nice, comfortable silence as the mood takes us. Bliss.
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Placing myself in the macho world of the Western seems like a jolly wheeze. All those un-washed cowboys, spitting and swearing. Not to mention the clothes. There are rich pickings for a camp comic to plunder, I’m sure of it.
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I’ll be creating a new Western drama called The Magnificent Seven Inches. For that I’ll need a posse. Sadly I don’t have one with me so I shall have to rely on the kindness of unsuspecting punters. Yes, I’ll be needing some male members. I seem to have a psychic ability to pick the right people 99% of the time. I need to look them in the eye and then I know. Heterosexual men are best fodder for my purposes. They are, after all, responsible for most of the troubles in this world and I see it as my duty to make them pay.
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I can’t give too much away but I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. I’ve always wanted to slip into a pair of chaps.
My costumes are designed by Hugh Durrant who creates all my panto extravaganza. If you’ve seen the London Palladium panto you’ll know that Hugh doesn’t go for subtlety. I’ve said too much.
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I can’t believe my luck! At this time of life I thought I might be doing the odd gig in a room above a pub somewhere provincial. The Palladium is a truly magical place. And two nights! I feel truly blessed. As soon as I walk through the stage door of the Palladium I feel overcome with happiness.
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Greg is an Alpha Male, so of course one wants to please him however possible. He’s like Big Brother, all seeing, all important. He might be the second coming, even. I love Taskmaster. It is so silly, so trivial, but I was swept along by it. Alex is funny, too, in a nerdy way.
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The secrecy was half the fun. I can’t tell you – balaclavas, visors, hoodies, gloves even – every time you left your dressing room. Then for the performance being inside your costume is a strangely liberating experience. I was most upset to be knocked out by Carol Vorderman dressed as a Reindeer. What a camp show!
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How long have you got? I’m still touring here and there with Jesus Christ Superstar, giving my Herod. I can’t get enough of the show and the talented cast. Very life-affirming. My children’s books ‘The Bolds’ are being re-issued as a box-set, so I’ll be promoting that in Edinburgh and elsewhere. And at last I’ve managed to write another adult novel – ‘Curtain Call to Murder’, which comes out in October. Then maybe Panto again… I am multi-tasking, I’m sure you’ll agree. It’s a wonder I have time for this interview, frankly.