Am I? I do wish my agent would tell me these things.

I love touring, it is a very lovely, creative process. Every night is different. I look forward to seeing how things evolve: a tiny spontaneous idea one-night can become a twenty-minute routine after a few shows. That sort of thing can only happen on stage – no amount of thinking in the comfort of your own home can bring it about.

I also love travelling around with my tour manager Bertha. She has been by my side for twenty-five years. We have a laugh, or lapse into a nice, comfortable silence as the mood takes us. Bliss.

Placing myself in the macho world of the Western seems like a jolly wheeze. All those un-washed cowboys, spitting and swearing. Not to mention the clothes. There are rich pickings for a camp comic to plunder, I’m sure of it.

I’ll be creating a new Western drama called The Magnificent Seven Inches. For that I’ll need a posse. Sadly I don’t have one with me so I shall have to rely on the kindness of unsuspecting punters. Yes, I’ll be needing some male members. I seem to have a psychic ability to pick the right people 99% of the time. I need to look them in the eye and then I know. Heterosexual men are best fodder for my purposes. They are, after all, responsible for most of the troubles in this world and I see it as my duty to make them pay.

I can’t give too much away but I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. I’ve always wanted to slip into a pair of chaps.

My costumes are designed by Hugh Durrant who creates all my panto extravaganza. If you’ve seen the London Palladium panto you’ll know that Hugh doesn’t go for subtlety. I’ve said too much.

I can’t believe my luck! At this time of life I thought I might be doing the odd gig in a room above a pub somewhere provincial. The Palladium is a truly magical place. And two nights! I feel truly blessed. As soon as I walk through the stage door of the Palladium I feel overcome with happiness.

Greg is an Alpha Male, so of course one wants to please him however possible. He’s like Big Brother, all seeing, all important. He might be the second coming, even. I love Taskmaster. It is so silly, so trivial, but I was swept along by it. Alex is funny, too, in a nerdy way.

The secrecy was half the fun. I can’t tell you – balaclavas, visors, hoodies, gloves even – every time you left your dressing room. Then for the performance being inside your costume is a strangely liberating experience. I was most upset to be knocked out by Carol Vorderman dressed as a Reindeer. What a camp show!

How long have you got? I’m still touring here and there with Jesus Christ Superstar, giving my Herod. I can’t get enough of the show and the talented cast. Very life-affirming. My children’s books ‘The Bolds’ are being re-issued as a box-set, so I’ll be promoting that in Edinburgh and elsewhere. And at last I’ve managed to write another adult novel – ‘Curtain Call to Murder’, which comes out in October. Then maybe Panto again… I am multi-tasking, I’m sure you’ll agree. It’s a wonder I have time for this interview, frankly.